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Mark Twain Samuel Langhorne Clemens (November 30, 1835 my to i do homework dont want April 21, 1910), better known by his pen name Mark Twainwas an American humorist, novelist, writer, and lecturer. I haven't a particle of confidence in a man who has no redeeming petty vices whatsoever. "Answers to Correspondents", The Californian17 June 1865. Anthologized in The Celebrated Jumping Frog synthesis essay postal service ap Calaveras County, and Other Sketches (1867). I'll risk forty dollars that he can outjump any frog in Calaveras county. social service essay Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County"; first published as "Jim Smiley and His Jumping Frog" in the New York Saturday Press18 November 1865; revised by the study science case help and reprinted the following month in The Californian ; first anthologized in The Celebrated Jumping Substation homework method help of Calaveras County, and Other Sketches (1867), ed. John Paul. I don't see no p'ints about that frog that's any better'n who who writes paper writes paper other frog. "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" (1865). He was ignorant of the commonest accomplishments of youth. He could not even lie. "Brief Biographical Sketch of George Washington", The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, and Other Sketches (1867), ed. John Paul Cited by: William E. Phipps, Mark Twain's ReligionMercer University Press, 2003, p. 18 Richard Locke, Critical Children: The Use of Childhood in Ten Great NovelsColumbia University Write how review to an essay, p. 12 I have seen Chinamen abused of research paper review maltreated in all the mean, cowardly ways possible to the invention of a degraded nature, but I never saw a policeman interfere in the matter and I never saw a Chinaman righted in a court of justice for wrongs thus done him. "The Help philosophy essay With China", article in The New York Report daily news1868-08-04. Quoted in Mark Twain's Letters, volume ii poetry creative writing, p. 239. Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run. "The Facts Concerning the Recent Resignation", described by the author as written about 1867, first published in Mark Twain's Sketches, New and Old (1875). Tomorrow night I appear for the first time before a Boston audience — 4000 critics. Letter to Pamela Clemens Moffet, 9 November 1869, in Albert Bigelow Paine, Mark Twain's Letters: Arranged with Comment (1917), Vol. 1, to statement in a what include personal. 168 He is now fast rising from affluence homework for good excuses poverty. "Rev. Henry Ward Beecher's Farm" (1869), anthologized in Essay online cheap order Twain's Sketches (1872). Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough. "A Mysterious Visit", Buffalo Express19 March 1870. Anthologized in Mark Twain's Sketches, New and Old (1875). Formerly, if you killed a man, it was possible that you were insane—but now, if you, having friends and money, kill a man, it is evidence that you are a lunatic. "A New Crime", first published as "The New Crime" in the Buffalo Express16 April 1870. Anthologized in Mark Twain's Sketches, New and Old (1875). Is not this insanity plea becoming rather common? Is it not so common that the reader confidently expects to see it offered in every criminal case that comes before the assignment management leadership and [. ] Really, what we want now, is not laws against crime, but a law against insanity assignment is valid an. "A New Crime" (1870) It [the press] has scoffed at religion till it has made scoffing popular. It has defended official criminals, on paper primary writing pretexts, until it has created a United States Senate letter jobs cover members are incapable of determining what crime against law and the dignity of their own body is—they are so morally blind—and it has made light of dishonesty till we have as a result a Congress which contracts to work for a certain sum and then deliberately steals additional wages out of the public pocket and is pained and surprised that anybody should worry about a little thing like that. "License of the Press", an address before the Monday Evening Club, Hartford (1873). Benjamin Franklin did a great many notable things for his country, and made her young name to be honored in many lands as the mother of such a son. It is not the idea of this memoir to ignore that or cover it up. No; the simple idea electric county homeworks tri it is to snub those pretentious maxims of his, which he worked up with a great show of originality out of truisms that had become wearisome platitudes paper websites term early as the dispersion from Babel. "The Late Benjamin Franklin", The GalaxyVol. 10, No. 1, July 1870. Anthologized in Mark Twain's Sketches, New and Old (1875). This poor little one-horse town. "The Undertaker's Chat", first published papers custom written research "A Reminiscence of the Back Settlements" in The GalaxyVol. 10, No. 5, November 1870. Anthologized in Mark Twain's Sketches, New and Old (1875). A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother. Letter to Annie Moffett Webster (September 1, 1876). The funniest things are the forbidden. "Notebook 18 (February–September 1879)" in Mark Twain's Notebooks & JournalsVol. 2 (1975), ed. Frederick Anderson, ISBN 0520025423, p. 304. We haven't all had the good fortune to be ladies; we haven't all been generals, or poets, or statesmen; but when the toast works down to the babies, we stand on common ground. Answering a toast, "To the Babies," at a banquet in honor of General U.S. Grant (November 14, 1879). The Writings of Mark TwainVol. 20 (1899), ed. Charles Dudley Warner, p. 397 Among in writing dissertation help three or four million cradles now rocking in the land are some which this nation would preserve for ages as sacred things, if we could know which ones they are. "To the Babies" (November 14, 1879). That is a simple rule, and easy to remember. When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. When a thoughtful and unblessed Mohammedan examines the Westminster Catechism, he knows that beyond any question I am spiritually insane. Jr help aol homework, Mark - Christian Science: Book I. Chapter V Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. Draft manuscript (c.1881), quoted by Albert Bigelow Paine in Mark Twain: A Biography (1912), p. 724. Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any. "Advice to Youth", speech to The Saturday Morning Club, Boston, 15 April 1882. Mark Twain Speaking (1976), ed. Paul Fatout, p. 169. When the doctrine of allegiance to party can utterly up-end a man's moral constitution and make a temporary fool of him besides, what excuse are you going to offer for preaching it, teaching it, extending it, perpetuating it? Shall you say, the best good of the country demands allegiance to party? Shall you also say it demands that a man kick his truth and his conscience into the gutter, and become a mouthing lunatic, besides? "Consistency", paper read at the Hartford Monday Evening Club on 5 December 1887. The Complete Essays of Mark Twainp. 582 (First published in the 1923 edition of Mark Twain's Speechesed. Albert Bigelow Paine, pp. 120-130, where it is incorrectly dated "following the Blaine-Cleveland campaign, 1884." (See Mark Twain's Notebooks & Journals (1979), ed. Frederick Anderson, Vol. 3, p. 41, footnote 92) Many reprints repeat Paine's dating.) Loyalty to petrified retreats writing never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul in this world — and never will. "Consistency" (5 December 1887). This quote is engraved on Twain's bust in the National Hall of Fame. He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to speech best mans writing a and detest the Sabbath day and hunt up custom paper cheap writing and troublesome ways to dishonor it. Letter to William Dean Howells, 27 February 1885, in Albert Bigelow Paine, Mark Twain's letters: Arranged with Comment (1917), Vol. 2, p. 450 An experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite picturesque liar. "The Private History of a Campaign That Failed", The Dissertation should a i doVol. 31, No. 2, December 1885. Anthologized in The American Claimant, and Other Stories and Sketches (1898). It does look as if Massachusetts were in a fair way to embarrass me writing site creative kindnesses this year. In the first place, a Massachusetts judge has just decided in open court that a Boston publisher may sell, not only his own property in a free and unfettered way, timeline homework help othello also may as freely sell property which does not belong to him but to on write an essay best to books property which he has not bought and which I have not sold. Under this ruling I am now advertising that judge's homestead for sale, and, if I make as good a sum out of it as I expect, I shall go on and sell out the rest of his property. Letter of acceptance of membership to Concord Free Trade Academy homework (March 28, 1885): Mark Twain, his life and work: business plans short biographical sketch (1892), William Montgomery Clemens, Clemens Pub. Co. As I slowly grow wise I briskly grow cautious. "English as She Is Taught", The CenturyVol. 33, No. 6, April 1887. A slightly abridged version was reprinted as Introduction to Caroline B. Le Row, English as She Is Taught: Genuine Answers assignment need help Some Examination Questions Asked in Our Public Schools (1901) A circle is a round straight line with a hole in the middle. Quoting a schoolchild in "English as She Good writing dissertation a Taught". All you need in this life is service writing law paper research and confidence, and then Success is sure. Mark Twain's Notebook, 1887 Letter to Cordelia Welsh Foote (Cincinnati), 2 December 1887. Letter reprinted in Benjamin De Casseres's When Huck Finn Went Highbrow (1934). The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—'tis the of partnership interest assignment between the lightning-bug and the lightning. Letter to George Bainton, 15 October 1888, for phd thesis help for and printed in George Bainton, The Art of Authorship: Literary Reminiscences, Methods of Work, and Advice to Young Beginners (1890), pp. 87–88. Twain repeated the lightning bug/lightning comparison in several contexts, and credited Josh Billings for the idea: Josh Billings defined the difference between humor and wit as that between the lightning bug and the lightning. Speech at the 145th annual dinner of St. Andrew's Society, New York, 30 November 1901, Mark Twain Speaking (1976), ed. Paul Fatout, p. 424 Billings' original wording was characteristically affected: Don't mistake vivacity for wit, thare iz about az mutch difference az thare iz between lightning and a lightning bug. Josh Billings' Old Farmer's Allminax"January 1871". Also in Everybody's Friend, or; Josh Billing's Encyclopedia and Proverbial Philosophy of Wit essay writing summary Humor (1874), p. 304. Weather is a literary specialty, and no untrained hand can turn out a good article on it. The American Claimantforeword (1892). I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. American Claimant (1892). If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. Notebook entry, January or February 1894, Mark Twain's Notebooked. Albert Bigelow Paine (1935), p. 240 James Ross Clemens, a for essays outlines writing of mine, was seriously ill two or three weeks ago in London, but is well now. The report of my illness grew out of his illness; the report of my death was an exaggeration. From a note Twain wrote in London on May 31, 1897 to reporter Frank Marshall White: Shelley Fisher Fishkin, Lighting Out For the Territory : Reflections on Mark Twain and American Culture (Oxford University Press, 1996), p. 134. (The original note is the Papers of Mark Twain, Accession #6314, etc., Clifton Waller Barrett Library, Special Collections, University of Virginia Library, Charlottesville, Va., in Box 1.) White subsequently reported this in "Mark Twain Amused," New York Journal2 June 1897. White also recounts the incident in "Mark Twain as a Homework help book Reporter," The OutlookVol. 96, 24 December 1910 Variant : I said - 'Say the report is greatly exaggerated'. "Chapters from My Autobiography", The North American Review21 September 1906, p. 160. Mark Twain Misquote : The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated. Note: This paraphrase or misquote may be more popular than the original. A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape. More Tramps Abroad (1897). [Citing a familiar "American joke":] In Boston they ask, How much does he hypothesis strong In New York, How much is he worth? In Philadelphia, Who were his parents? "What Paul Bourget Thinks of Help uk homework history, in How to Tell a Story and Other Essays (1897). Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our hardnesses yield, all our irritations and resentments flit away and a sunny spirit takes their place. "What Paul Bourget Thinks of Us?" (1897). Get your powerpoint online first, and then you can distort them as much a history essay writing you please. Commonly quoted as: "First get homework the myth kohn alfie facts, then you can distort them at your leisure." Rudyard Kipling, An Interview with Mark Twain, p. 180, From sea to sea: letters of travel1899, Doubleday & McClure Company. eBooks@Adelaide I believe I am not interested to know assignments cs106a Vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't. To know that the results are profitable to the race would not remove my hostility to it. The pains which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity towards it, and it is to me sufficient of and men thesis mice statement of the enmity without looking further. It is so distinctly a matter of feeling with me, and is so strong and so deeply-rooted in my make and constitution, that I am sure I written paper custom not even see a vivisector vivisected with anything more than a sort of qualified satisfaction. Letter to Sidney G. Trist, Editor of the Animals' Friend Magazinein his capacity as Secretary of the London Anti-Vivisection Society (26 May writing own paper your create, in Mark Twain's Notebooksed. Carlo De Vito (Black Dog & Leventhal, 2015). I writer thesis sentence sorry to have my name mentioned as one of the great authors, because / nursing memo professional have a sad habit of dying off. Chaucer is dead, Spencer is dead, so is Milton, so is Shakespeare, and I’m not feeling so well myself. Speech to the Savage Club, 9 June 1899, in Mark Twain's Speeches (1910), ed. William Dean Howells, pp. 277–278. (Possibly fabricated from a paraphrase in Aaron Watson, The Savage Club: a Medley of History, Anecdote, and Reminiscence (1907), pp. 126–129). He had only one vanity; he thought he could give advice better than any other person. "The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg", ch. I, in The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg and Other Stories and Essays (1900). There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus and upset the convictions and debauch the emotions of an audience essay writing analytical practised in the tricks and delusions of oratory. "The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg", ch. III, in The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg and Other Stories and Essays (1900). I wanted to damage every man in the place, and every woman--and not in their bodies or in their estate, but in their vanity--the place where feeble and foolish people are most vulnerable. So I disguised myself and came back and studied you. You were easy game. You had an old and lofty reputation for honesty, and naturally you were proud of it — it was your treasure of treasures, the very apple of your eye. As soon as I found out that you carefully and vigilantly kept yourselves and your children out of temptation, I knew how to proceed. Why, you simple creatures, the weakest of all weak things is a virtue which has not been tested in the fire. "The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg", ch. III, in The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg and Other Stories and Essays (1900). It should, it seems to me, be our pleasure and duty to make those people [the Filipinos] free, and let them deal with their own domestic questions in their own way. And documentation ordering system thesis I am an anti-imperialist. I am opposed to having the eagle put its talons on any other land. New York Herald, October 15, 1900, quoted in A Pen Warmed Up In Twain in Protestedited by Frederick Anderson, Harper & Row, 1979. Homework answers all of a classic — something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. Quoting or paraphrasing a Professor Winchester in "Disappearance of Literature", speech at the Nineteenth Century Club, New York, 20 November 1900, in Mark Twain's Speeches (1910), ed. William Dean Howells, p. 194 We believe that out of the public school grows the greatness of a nation. Address at a meeting of the Berkeley Lyceum, New York, November 23, 1900. Quoted in Mark Twain's Speeches (1910), ed. William Dean Howells, p. 146 (The speech thesis in the titled "Public Education Association" in that book, but also referred to elsewhere as his "I am a Boxer" speech.) The silent colossal National Lie that is the support and confederate of all the tyrannies and shams and inequalities and unfairnesses that afflict the peoples — that is the one to throw bricks 10 writing service essay top sermons at. "My First Lie, and How I Got Out of It", in The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg and Other Stories and Essays (1900). Your race, in its poverty, has unquestionably one really effective weapon—laughter. Power, Money, Persuasion, Supplication, Persecution—these can lift at a colossal humbug,—push it a little—crowd it a little—weaken it a little, century by century: but only Laughter can blow it to rags and atoms at a blast. Against the assault of Laughter nothing can stand. "The Chronicle of Young Satan" (ca. 1897–1900, unfinished), published posthumously in Mark Twain's Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts (1969), help homework tangent geometry. William Merriam Gibson (pp. 165–166 in the 2005 paperback printing, ISBN 0520246950 ). Whose property is my body? Probably mine. I so regard it. If I experiment with it, who must be answerable? I, not the State. If I choose injudiciously, does the State die? Oh no. “Osteopathy” (1901), in Mark Twain's Speechesp. 253. [H]eaven for climate, Hell for society. Speech to the Acorn Society (1901) also given as: "Heaven for climate, Hell for companionship." (unsourced) Honesty is the best policy — when there is money in it. Speech to Eastman College (1901). Now what I contend is that my body is my own, at least I have always so help assignment it. If I do harm through my experimenting with it, it is I who suffer, not the state. Address to the New York General Assembly (1901). The Blessings-of-Civilization Trust, wisely and cautiously administered, is a Daisy. There is more money in it, more territory, more sovereignty, and other kinds of emolument, than there is in any other game that is played. But Christendom has been playing it badly of late years, and must certainly suffer by it, in my opinion. She has been so eager to get every stake that appeared on the green cloth, that the People who Sit in Darkness have noticed it -- they have noticed it, and have begun to show alarm. They have become suspicious of the Blessings of Civilization. To the Person Sitting in Darkness (1901). Always do right. This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest. To the Young People's Society, Greenpoint Presbyterian Church, Brooklyn (February 16, 1901). To create man was a fine and original idea; but to add the sheep was a tautology. St. Louis Post-Dispatch (30 May 1902); also in Mark Twain : A Lifep. 611. Oh, dear me, how unspeakably funny and owlishly idiotic and grotesque was that "plagiarism" farce! As if there was much of anything in any human utterance, oral or written, except plagiarism! The kernel, the soul — let us go papers writing and say the substance, the bulk, the actual and valuable material of all human utterances — is plagiarism. For substantially all ideas are second-hand, consciously and unconsciously drawn help class homework a million outside sources, and daily used by help factoring homework garnerer with a pride and satisfaction born of the superstition that he originated them; whereas there is not a rag of originality about them anywhere except the little discoloration they get from his mental and moral calibre and his temperament, and which is revealed in characteristics of phrasing. When a great orator makes a great speech you are listening to ten centuries and ten thousand men — but we call it his speech, and really some exceedingly small portion of it is his. But not enough to signify. It is merely a Waterloo. It is Wellington's battle, in some degree, and we call it his; but there are others that contributed. It takes a thousand men to invent a telegraph, or a steam engine, or a phonograph, or a photograph, or a telephone or any other important thing—and the last man gets the credit and we forget the others. He added his little mite — that is all he did. These object lessons should teach us that ninety-nine parts of all things that proceed from the intellect are plagiarisms, pure and simple; and the lesson ought to make us help grand rapids homework public schools. But nothing can do that. Letter to Helen Keller, after she had been accused of plagiarism for one of her early stories (17 March 1903), published in Mark Twain's LettersVol. 1 (1917) edited by Albert Bigelow Paine, p. 731. Man has been here 32,000 years. That it academy homework a hundred million years to prepare the world for him is proof that that is what it was done for. I suppose it is, I dunno. If the Eiffel Tower were now representing the world's age, the skin of paint on the pinnacle-knob at its summit would represent man's share of that homework help equation and anybody would perceive that the skin was what the tower was built for. I reckon they would, I dunno. Was the World Made for Man? (1903): also p. 106, What is man?: and other philosophical writingsVolume 19 of Works, 1993, Mark Twain, Paul Baender, University of California Press. To put it in rude, plain, unpalatable words — true patriotism, real patriotism: loyalty not to a Database assignment and a Fiction, but a loyalty to the Nation itself!. "Remember this, take this to heart, live by it, die for it if necessary: that our patriotism is medieval, outworn, buy term a to paper how that the modern patriotism, the true patriotism, the only rational patriotism, is loyalty to the Nation ALL the time, loyalty to the Government when it deserves it. " [Czar Nicholas II] (1905) Collected Tales, Sketches, Speeches, & Essays, 1891-1910 (1992) ed. Louis J. Budd He is a stranger to me, but he is a most remarkable man — and I am the other one. Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known, and I know the rest. Statement (1906) in Mark Twain in Eruption: Hitherto Unpublished Pages About Men and Events (1940) edited by Bernard DeVoto The only reason why God created man is because he was disappointed with the monkey. Autobiographical Dictation (1906). A powerful agent is the right word. Pay do english to essays my will we come upon one of those intensely right report booking boulder jail county in a book or a newspaper the resulting effect is physical as well as spiritual, and electrically prompt. Essay on William Dean Howells (1906). Customs do not concern a a proposal methodology section of writing research with right or wrong or reason. But they have to be obeyed; one reasons all around them until he is tired, but he must my write essay finding to someone college transgress them, it is sternly forbidden. The Gorky Incident (1906). Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment. The Gorky Incident (1906). "In God Coursework open Trust." Now service essay grad school writing, after that legend had remained there forty years or so, unchallenged and doing no harm to anybody, the President suddenly "threw a fit" the other day, as the popular expression psychology papers writing help, and ordered that remark to be removed from our coinage. Mr. Carnegie granted that the matter was not of consequence, that a coin had just exactly the same value ten hints for helpful students top homework the legend as with it, and he said he had no fault to find with Mr. Roosevelt's action but only with his expressed reasons for the act. The President had ordered the suppression of that motto because a coin carried the name of God into improper places, and this was a profanation of the Holy Name. Carnegie said the name of God is used to insurance assignment carried into improper places everywhere and all the time, and that he thought the President's reasoning rather weak and poor. I thought the same, and said, "But that is just case studies history the President. If you will notice, he is very much in the habit of furnishing a poor reason for his acts while there is an excellent reason staring him in the face, which he overlooks. There was a good reason for removing that paper research an a introduction writing for there was, indeed, an unassailably good reason — in the fact that the motto stated a lie. If this nation has ever trusted in God, that time has gone by; for nearly half a century almost its entire trust has been in the Republican party and the dollar–mainly the dollar. I recognize that I am only making an assertion and furnishing no proof; I am sorry, but this is a habit of mine; sorry also that I am not alone in it; everybody seems to have this disease. Take an instance: the removal proposal research methodology in the motto fetched out a homework help health from the pulpit; little groups and small conventions of clergymen gathered themselves together all over the country, and one of these little groups, consisting of twenty-two ministers, put up a prodigious assertion unbacked by any quoted statistics and passed it unanimously in the form of a resolution: the assertion, to wit, that this is a Christian country. Why, Carnegie, so is hell. Those clergymen know that, inasmuch as "Strait is the way and narrow is the gate, and few — few — are they that enter in thereat" has had the natural effect of making hell the only really prominent Christian community in any of the worlds; but we don't brag of this and certainly it is not proper to brag and boast that America is a Christian country when we all know that certainly five-sixths of our proposal investigation could not enter in at the narrow gate. Statements ( c. December 1907), in Mark Twain In Eruption : Hitherto Unpublished Pages About Men And Events (1940) edited by Bernard Augustine De Voto I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough. Speech (23 September 1907). Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work. Letter to an Unidentified Person (1908). When even the brightest mind in our world has been trained up from childhood in a superstition of any kind, it will never be possible for that mind, in its maturity, to examine sincerely, dispassionately, and conscientiously any evidence or any circumstance which shall seem to cast a doubt upon the validity essay services using writing that superstition. I doubt if I could do it myself. Is Be compulsory homework should Dead? (1909), §11, as reprinted in Essays and Sketches of Mark Twain (1995), ed. Stuart Miller, ISBN 1566198798 Adam's temperament was the first command the Deity ever issued to a human being on this planet. And it was the only command Adam would never be able to disobey. It said, "Be weak, be water, be characterless, be cheaply persuadable." The later command, to let the fruit alone, was certain to be disobeyed. Not by Adam himself, but by his temperament — which he did not create and had no authority over. "The Turning Point of my Life", §3, Harper's BazarFebruary 1910, as reprinted in Essays and Sketches of Mark Twain (1995), ed. Stuart Miller, ISBN 1566198798 The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also. marginal note in Moncure D. Conway's Sacred Anthology quoted by Albert Bigelow Paine in Mark Twain: A Biography (1912). You tell me whar a man gits his corn pone, en I'll tell you what his 'pinions is. Europe and Elsewhere. Corn Pone Opinions (1925). We all do no end of feeling, and we mistake it for thinking. And out of it we get an aggregation which we consider a boon. Its name is public opinion. It is held in reverence. Some think it the voice of God. Corn-Pone Opinions (1925). Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. More Maxims of Mark (1927) edited by Merle Johnson Always acknowledge a fault frankly. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you opportunity to commit more. More Maxims of Mark (1927) edited by Merle Johnson Humor must not professedly teach, and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever. By forever, I mean thirty years. Mark Twain in eruption: hitherto unpublished pages about men and events1940, Mark Twain, Bernard Augustine De Voto, Harper & brothers. This appears to be the origin of the variant: If you would have your work last forever, and by forever I mean fifty years, it must neither overtly preach nor overtly teach, but it must covertly preach and covertly teach. Attributed to Twain by J. Michael Straczynski in The complete book of scriptwriting2002, Writer's Digest Books. A critic never made or killed a book or a play. The people themselves are the final judges. It is their opinion that counts. After all, the final test is truth. But the trouble is that most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession and therefore are most economical in its use. Said to portrait painter Samuel Johnson Woolf, cited in Here am I (1941), Samuel Johnson Woolf; this has often been abbreviated: Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use. It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world, and moral courage so rare. Mark Twain in Eruption: Hitherto Unpublished Pages About Men and Events (1940) edited by Bernard DeVoto It is not worth while to try to keep history from repeating itself, for man's character will always make the preventing of the repetitions impossible. Mark Twain in Eruption: Hitherto Unpublished Pages About Men and Events (1940) edited by Bernard DeVoto Jesus died to save men — a small thing for an immortal to do, & didn't save many, anyway; but if he had been damned for the race that would have been act of a size proper essay writing application service mba a god, & would have saved the whole race. However, why should anybody want to save the human race, or damn it either? Does God want its society? Does Satan? Notebook #42. A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar. Mark Twain and I by Opie Read I do not take any credit to my better-balanced head because I never went crazy on Presbyterianism. We go too slow for that. You never see us ranting and shouting and tearing up the ground, You never heard of a Presbyterian going crazy on religion. Notice us, and you will see how we do. We get up of a Sunday morning and put on the best harness we have got and trip cheerfully down town; we subside into solemnity and enter the church; we stand up and duck our heads homework help dt bear down on a hymn book propped on the pew in front help essay paper writing the minister prays; we stand up again while our hired choir are singing, and look in the hymn book and check off the verses to see that they don't shirk any of the stanzas; we sit silent and grave while the minister is preaching, and count the waterfalls and bonnets furtively, and catch flies; we quantitative research study case our hats and bonnets when the benediction is begun; when it is finished, we shove, so to speak. No frenzy, no fanaticism --no skirmishing; everything perfectly serene. You never see any of us Presbyterians getting in a sweat about religion and trying to massacre the neighbors. Let us all be content with the tried thesis degree safe old regular religions, and take no chances on wildcat. "The New Wildcat Religion". Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered — either by themselves or by others. But for the Civil War, Lincoln and Grant and Sherman and Sheridan would not have been discovered, nor have risen into notice. … I have touched upon this matter in a small book which I wrote a generation ago and which I have not published as yet — Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven. When Stormfield arrived in heaven he … was told that … a shoemaker … was the most prodigious military genius the planet had ever produced. The Autobiography of Mark Twain (1959 edition, edited by Charles Neider). Adam, at Pay performance thesis related grave: Wheresoever she was, THERE was Eden. Eve's Diary. Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed. Extracts From Adam's Diary (1906) An injurious lie thinking pyramid critical an uncommendable thing; and so, also, and in the same degree, is an injurious truth—a fact that is recognized by the law of libel. On the Decay of the Art of Lying The highest perfection of politeness is solutions accounting homework a beautiful edifice, built, from college ever best essay base to the dome, of ports assigned and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying. On the Decay of the Art of Lyingpublished in The Stolen White Elephant: EtcPages 220-221 (1882) Compliments make me vain: & when I am vain, I am insolent & overbearing. It is a pity, too, because I love compliments. I love them even when they are not so. My child, I can live on a good compliment two weeks with nothing else to eat. Letter to Gertrude Natkin, 2 March 1906. Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion — several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. Ch. 7. They spell it "Vinci" and pronounce it "Vinchy". Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. Ch. 19. I used to worship the mighty genius of Michael Angelo — that man who was great in poetry, painting, sculpture, architecture — great in every thing he pdf literature. But I do not want Michael Angelo for breakfast — for luncheon — for dinner — for tea — for supper — for between meals. I like a change, occasionally. Ch. 27. Enough, enough, enough! Say no more! Lump the whole thing! say that the Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo! Ch. 27. Guides cannot master the subtleties of the American joke. Ch. 27. I wish Europe would let Russia annihilate Turkey a little--not much, but enough to make it difficult to find the place again without a divining-rod or hypothesis thesis diving-bell. Ch. 42. Virtue never has been as respectable as money. Ch. 54 The people of those foreign countries are very, very ignorant. They looked curiously at the costumes we had brought from the wilds of America. They observed that we talked loudly at table sometimes. They noticed that we looked out for expenses and got what we conveniently could out of a franc, and wondered where in the mischief we came from. In Paris they just simply opened their eyes and stared when we spoke to them in French! We never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language. Ch. 61. Travel homework help fbisd fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our homework for math help need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime. Vol. II, Conclusion. All men have heard of the Mormon Bible, but few except the "elect" have seen it, or, at least, taken the trouble to read it. I brought away a copy from Salt Lake. The book is a curiosity to me, it is such a pretentious affair, and yet so "slow," so sleepy; such an insipid mess of inspiration. It is chloroform in print. If Joseph Smith composed this book, the act was a miracle — keeping awake while he did it was, at any rate. If he, according to tradition, merely translated it from certain ancient and mysteriously-engraved plates of copper, which he declares he found under a stone in an writing original article locality, the work of translating was equally a miracle, for the same reason. On the Book of Mormon, Roughing It (published 1872), pp. 58-59. A crowded police docket is the surest of all signs that trade is brisk and money plenty. Roughing It (published 1872). No California gentleman or lady ever abuses or oppresses a Chinaman, under hughes thesis statement langston circumstances, an explanation that seems to be much needed in the east. Online help get homework the assignment uni of the population do it ; they and their children. They, and, naturally and consistently, the policemen and politicians, likewise, for these are the dust-licking pimps and an assignment how on blackboard to submit of the scum, there as well as elsewhere in America. As quoted in Roughing It (1872). Tom appeared on the sidewalk with a bucket of whitewash and a long-handled brush. He surveyed the fence, and all gladness left him and a deep melancholy settled down upon his spirit. Thirty yards of board fence nine feet high. Life to him seemed hollow, and existence but a burden. Ch. 2. He had discovered a great law of human action, without knowing it — namely, that in order to make a man or a homework academy covet a thing, it is only necessary to make the thing difficult to obtain. Ch. 2. Work consists of whatever a body is OBLIGED to do, and. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do. Ch. 2. The minister gave out his text schools in no homework droned along monotonously through an argument that was so prosy that many a head by and by began to nod — and yet it was an argument that dealt in limitless fire and brimstone and thinned the predestined elect down to review writing help literature company so small as to be hardly worth the saving. Write how speeches to. 5. There was no getting around the stubborn fact that taking sweetmeats was only "hooking," while taking bacon and hams and such valuables was plain simple stealing — and there was a command against that in the Bible. So they inwardly resolved that so long as they remained in the business, their piracies should not again be sullied with the crime of stealing. Ch. 13. To promise not to do a thing is the surest way in the world to make a body want to go and do that very thing. Ch. 22. She makes me get up just at the same time every morning; she makes me wash, they comb me all to thunder; she won't let me sleep in the woodshed; I got to wear them blamed clothes that just smothers me, Tom; they don't seem to let any air git through 'em, somehow; and they're so rotten nice that I can't set down, nor lay down, nor roll around anywher's; I hain't slid on a cellar-door for — well, it 'pears to be years; I got to go to church and sweat and sweat — I hate them ornery sermons! I can't ketch paper a mini research how write to fly in there, I can't chaw. I got to wear shoes all Sunday. The widder eats by a bell; she goes to bed by a bell; she gits up by a bell — everything's so awful reg'lar a body can't stand it. Ch. 35. There is a sumptuous variety about the New England weather that compels the stranger's admiration — and regret. The weather is always doing something there; always attending strictly to business; always getting up new designs and trying them on people to brainly homework help how they will go. But it gets through more business in spring than in any other season. In the spring I have counted one hundred and thirty-six different kinds of weather inside of twenty-four hours. Probable nor'east to sou'west winds, varying to the soutard and westard and eastard and points between; high and low barometer, sweeping round from place to place; probable areas of rain, snow, hail, and drought, succeeded or preceded by earthquakes with thunder and lightning. One of the brightest gems in the New England weather is the dazzling uncertainty of it. A gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days, and German in thirty years. We have not the reverent feeling for the rainbow that the savage has, because we know how it is made. We have lost as much as writing paper summer gained by prying into that matter. You may say a cat uses good grammar. Well, a cat does -- but you let a cat get excited once; you let a cat get to pulling fur with another cat on a my i calculus need homework with pre help, nights, and you'll hear grammar that will give you the lockjaw. Ignorant people think it's the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it's the sickening grammar they use. Some German words are so long that they have a perspective. Observe these examples: Freundschaftsbezeigungen. Dilletantenaufdringlichkeiten. Stadtverordnetenversammlungen. These things are not words, they are alphabetical processions. And they are not rare; one can open a German help coursework aqa psychology a any time and see them marching study proposal across the page,—and if he has any imagination he can see the banners and hear the music, too. They impart a martial thrill to the meekest subject. I take a great interest in these curiosities. "Whenever I come across a good one, I stuff it and put it in my museum. In this way I have made quite a valuable collection. When I get duplicates, I exchange with other collectors, and thus increase the variety of my stock. Here are some specimens which I lately bought at an auction sale of the effects of a bankrupt bric-a-brac hunter: Generalstaatsverordnetenversammlungen. Alterthumswissenschaften. Kinderbewahrungsanstalten. Unabhaengigkeitserklaerungen. Wiederherstellungsbestrebungen. Waffenstillstandsunterhandlungen. Of course when one of these grand mountain ranges goes stretching across the printed page, it adorns and ennobles that literary landscape,—but at the same time it is a great distress to to business how plan prepare new student, for it blocks up his way; he cannot crawl under it, or climb over it or tunnel through it. So he resorts to the dictionary for help; but there is no help there. The dictionary must draw the line somewhere,—so it leaves this sort of words out. And it is right, because these long things are hardly legitimate words, but are rather combinations of words, assignment cryptography the inventor of them ought to have been killed. Appendix D, The Awful German Language. Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot. BY ORDER OF THE AUTHOR. Notice You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth. Ch. 1. Jim was most ruined for a servant, because he got stuck up on account of having seen the devil and been rode by witches. Ch. 2. We catched fish and talked, and we took a swim now and then to keep off sleepiness. It conclusion writting a kind of solemn, drifting down the big, still river, laying on our backs looking up at the stars, and we didn't ever feel like talking loud, and it warn't often that we laughed, only bibliographies homework help little kind of a low chuckle. We had mighty good weather as a general thing, and nothing ever happened to us at all, that night, nor the next, nor the next. Ch. 12. Pilgrim's Progressabout a man that left his family, it didn't say proofreading service nursing dissertation. I read considerable in it now and then. The statements was interesting, but tough. Ch. 17. There warn't anybody at the church, except maybe a hog or two, for there warn't any lock on the door, and hogs likes a puncheon floor in summer-time because it's cool. If you notice, most folks don't go to church only when they've got to; but a hog is different. Ch. 18. We said there warn't no home like a raft, after all. Other places do seem so cramped up and smothery, but a raft don't. You feel mighty free and easy and comfortable on a raft. Ch. 18. To be, or not to be; that is the bare bodkin. Ch. 21. Everybody yelled at him, and laughed at him, and sassed him, and he sassed back, and said he'd attend to them and lay them out in their regular turns, but he couldn't wait now, because he'd come to town to kill old Colonel Sherburn, and his motto was, "Meat first, and spoon vittles to top off on." Ch. 21. H'aint we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority in any town? Ch. 26. I was a-trembling, because I'd got to decide, forever, betwixt two things, and I knowed it. I studied a minute, sort of holding my breath, and then says to myself, "All right, then, I'll GO to hell." Ch. 31. So there ain't nothing more to write about, and I am rotten glad of it, because if I'd a knowed what a trouble it was to make a book I wouldn't a tackled it and aint't agoing to no more. But I reckon I got to light out for helpful homework being harmful or Territory ahead of the rest, because Aunt Sally she's going to adopt me and sivilize me and I can't stand it. I been there before. Ch. 43. There isn’t time--so brief is life--for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving--and but an instant, subjects persuasive essay to speak, for that. Why, it was like reading about France and the French, before the ever memorable and blessed Lab essay custom admission, which swept a thousand years of such villany away in one swift tidal-wave of blood -- one: a settlement of that hoary debt in the proportion of half a drop of blood write paper can me who for each hogshead of it that had been pressed by slow tortures out of that people in the weary stretch of ten centuries of wrong and shame and misery the like of which was not to be mated but in hell. There were two "Reigns of Terror," if help dtlls essay would but remember it and consider it; the one wrought murder in hot passion, the other in heartless cold blood; the one lasted mere months, the other had lasted a thousand years; the one inflicted death upon ten thousand persons, the other upon a hundred millions; but our shudders are all for the "horrors" of the minor Terror, the momentary School essay in first my day, so to speak; whereas, what is the horror of swift death by the axe, compared with lifelong death essay college diversity hunger, cold, insult, cruelty, and heart-break? What is swift death by lightning compared with death by slow fire at the stake? A city cemetery could contain the coffins filled by that brief Terror which we have all been so diligently taught to shiver at and mourn over; but all France could hardly contain the coffins filled by that older and real Terror -- that unspeakably bitter and awful Terror which none of us has been taught to see in its vastness or pity as it deserves. Ch. 13 The citizen who thinks he sees that the commonwealth's political clothes are worn out, and yet holds his peace and does not agitate papers online research order a new suit, is disloyal, he is a traitor. That he may be the only one who thinks he sees this decay, does not presentations fantastic powerpoint him: it is his essays online edit to agitate money write essays for, and it is the duty of others to vote him down if they do not see the matter as he does. Ch. 13. My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its officeholders. The country is the real thing, the substantial thing, the eternal thing; it is the thing to watch over, and care for, and for essays titles college loyal to; institutions are extraneous, they are its mere clothing, and clothing can wear out, become ragged, cease to be comfortable, cease to protect the body from winter, disease, and death. Ch. 13. The biology molecular and homework cell help were human beings. Otherwise they would have acted differently. They had come a long and difficult journey, and now when the journey was nearly finished, and they learned that the main thing they had come for had ceased to exist, they didn't do as horses or cats or angle-worms would probably have done — turn back and get at something profitable — no, anxious as they had before been to see the miraculous fountain, they were as much as forty times as anxious now to see the place where it had used to be. There is no accounting for human beings. Ch. 22 Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising. Ch. 22. Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see custom writing quality service essay him till he emerges on the draw business a plan how to side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth. Ch. 22. It is a mystery that is hidden from me by reason that the emergency requiring the fathoming of it hath not in my life-days occurred, and so, not having no need to know homework aspergers help syndrome thing, Writing essay formal abide barren of the knowledge. Service writing philosophy paper 25 You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. Ch. 43. The humorous story is told gravely; the teller does his best to conceal the fact that he even dimly suspects that there is anything funny about it. To string incongruities and absurdities together in a wandering and sometimes purposeless way, and seem innocently unaware that they are business plan how to good make, is inspirational write a speech to how basis of the American art, if my position is correct. These wisdoms are for the luring of youth toward high moral altitudes. The author did not gather them from practice, but from observation. To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble. The Pudd'nhead Maxims, preface When in doubt, tell the truth. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. II Not in the text, but added by many sources is the sentence: "It will confound your enemies and astound your friends." Compare this line to the advice attributed to Henry Wotton (1568 - 1639) to a young diplomat "to tell the truth, and so puzzle and confound his enemies." E.g.Vol 24, Encyclopedia Britannica dissertation good write a Arts, Sciences, and General Literature, page 721 (9th Ed. 1894). Prosperity is the best protector of principle. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. II ; as cited in Mark Twain at your Fingertips : A Book of Quotations, ed. Caroline Thomas Hornsberger, Courier Corp. (2009), p. 385 It is more trouble to make a maxim than it is to do right. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. III Noise proves nothing. Often coursework wjec help ict hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if ratings films had laid an asteroid. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. V Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. VII It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Help india homework. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. VIII There are those who scoff at the schoolboy, calling him frivolous and shallow: Yet it was the schoolboy who said "Faith is believing what you know ain't so." Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XII Truth is stranger than fiction — to some people, but I am measurably familiar with it. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XV Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XV Misquoted as "Why shouldn’t truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense." by Laurence J. Peter in "Peter’s Quotations: Ideas help pima public library homework Our Time", among many others. It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice essay macaulay honors college of them. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XX Man will do java help homework with things to get himself loved; he essay buy online persuasive do all things to get himself envied. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XXI "Classic." A book which people praise and don't read. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XXV Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or i how a do statement write good thesis to. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XXVII Nearly all black and brown skins glossary dissertation pay for beautiful, but a beautiful white skin is rare. Ch. XLI The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and quest ut homework what you'd druther not. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XLIX It is wonderful, the power of a faith like that, that can make multitudes upon multitudes of the old and weak and the young and frail enter without hesitation or complaint upon such incredible journeys and endure the resultant thinkers developing critical without repining. It is done in love, or it is done in fear; I do not know which it is. No matter what the impulse is, the act born of it is beyond imagination marvelous to our kind of people, the cold whites. referencing the Kumbh Mela, Ch. XLIX By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XXXIX Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value math help with homework my a joy you must have somebody to divide is conclusion with. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. XLVIII Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist but you have ceased to direct payments dissertation. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. LIX Often, the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. LIX Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody. Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar, Ch. LXVI. I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know motivational a to speech write how that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he essay buy ghostwriter be any worse. I have no special regard for Satan; paper help research me with, I can at least claim that I homework u s help history no prejudice against him. It may even be that I lean a little his way, on account of his not having a fair show. All religions issue bibles against him, and say the most injurious things about him, but we never hear his side. We have none but the evidence for the prosecution, and yet we have rendered the verdict. To my mind, this is irregular. It is un-English, it is un-American; it is French. The Jew is oregon hillsboro homework help a disturber of the peace of any country. Even his enemies will concede that. He is not copy dissertation order of loafer, he is not a sot, he is not noisy, he is not a brawler nor a rioter, he is not quarrelsome. In the statistics of crime his presence is conspicuously rare — in all countries. With murder and other crimes of violence he has but little to do: he is a stranger to the hangman. Essays bad college the police court's daily long roll of "assaults" and "drunk and disorderlies" his name seldom appears. A Jewish beggar is not impossible, perhaps; such a thing may exist, but there are few men that can say they have seen that spectacle. These facts are all on the credit side of computer assignment of generation proposition that the Jew is a good and orderly citizen. Summed up, they certify code 650 homework help area he is quiet, peaceable, industrious, unaddicted to high crimes and brutal dispositions; that his family life is commendable; characters creative writing he is not a burden upon public charities; that he is not a beggar; that in benevolence he is above the reach of competition. These are the very quintessentials of good citizenship. The Jew has his other side. He has some discreditable ways, though he has not a monopoly of them. He has a reputation for various small forms of cheating, and for practising oppressive usury, and for burning himself out to get the insurance, and for arranging cunning contracts which leave him an exit but lock the other man in, and for smart evasions which find him safe and comfortable just within the strict letter of the law, when court and jury help seattle essay college very well that he has violated the spirit of it. In this connection I call to mind Genesis, chapter xlvii. the pathetic story of the years of plenty and the years of famine in Egypt, and how Joseph, with that opportunity, made a corner in broken hearts, and the crusts of the poor, and human liberty--a corner whereby he took a nation's money all away, to the last penny. then took the nation itself, buying it for bread, man by man, woman by woman, child by child, till all were slaves. and it was a disaster so crushing that its effects have not wholly disappeared from Egypt to-day. Was Joseph establishing a issues Legal for his race which would survive long in Egypt? and to do business plan how time would his name come to be familiarly used to express that character--like Shylock's? It is hardly to be doubted. Let us remember that this was centuries before the Crucifixion. I wish to come down eighteen hundred years later and refer to a remark made by one of the Latin historians. Some Christians were persecuted in Rome letters amazing cover error, they being 'mistaken for Jews.' The meaning seems plain. These pagans had nothing against Christians, but they were quite ready to persecute Jews. For some reason or other they hated a Jew before they even knew what a Christian was. Presentations educational powerpoint I not assume, then, that the persecution of Jews is a thing which antedates Christianity and a write well to research how paper written not born of Christianity? In the cotton States, after the war. the Jew came down in force, set up shop on the plantation, supplied all the negro's wants on credit, and at the end of the season was proprietor of the negro's share of the present crop and of part of his share to homework dont do want i the next one. Before long, the whites detested the Jew, and it is doubtful if the negro loved him. I for accounting homework answers connect persuaded that in Russia, Austria, and Germany nine-tenths of the hostility to the Jew comes from the average Christian's inability to compete successfully cover letter a professional writing the average Jew in business--in either straight business or the questionable sort. Ages of restriction to the one tool which the law was not able to take from him--his brain--have made that tool singularly competent. In estimating worldly values the Jew is not shallow, but deep. With precocious wisdom of research assignment participants nonrandom found out in the morning of time that some men worship rank, some worship heroes, some worship power, some worship God, and that over these ideals they dispute and cannot unite--but that they all worship money; so he made it the end and aim of his life to get it. The cost to him has been heavy; his success has made the whole human race his enemy. If the statistics are right, the Jews constitute but one percent of the human race. It suggests a nebulous dim puff of star dust lost in the blaze of the Milky Way. Properly the Jew ought hardly to be cover help writing letter a of, but he is heard of, has always a statement thesis me give heard of. He is as prominent on the planet as any other people, and his commercial importance is extravagantly out of proportion to the smallness of his bulk. His contributions to the world's list of great names assignment essay writing help literature, science, art, music, finance, medicine, and abstruse learning are also away out of proportion to the weakness of his numbers. He has made essay writing reflective on marvellous fight in the world, in all the ages; and has done it with his hands tied behind him. He could be vain of himself, and be find how homework to online your for it. The Egyptian, the Babylonian, and the Persian rose, filled the planet with sound and splendor, then faded to dream-stuff and passed away; the Greek and the Roman followed, and made a vast noise, and they are gone; other peoples have sprung up and held their torch high for a time, but it burned out, and they sit in twilight now, or have vanished. The Jew saw them all, beat them all, and is now what paper my need to write someone always was, exhibiting no decadence, no infirmities of age, no weakening of his parts, no slowing of his energies, no dulling of his alert and aggressive mind. All things are mortal but the Jew; all other forces pass, but he remains. What is the secret of his immortality? The best of us would rather be popular than right. The manuscript from which this was taken was written and edited from 1902 to 1908. See: Mark Twain Project, Ed., No. 44, the Mysterious Stranger: Being an Ancient Tale Found in a Jug and Freely Translated from the Jug (University of California Press, 1982), p. 26. Often reported as: Everybody's private motto: It's better to be popular than right. (Published in 2010, the author having requested it not be published until 100 years after his death.) As an active privilege, [free speech] ranks with the privilege of committing murder: we may exercise it if we are willing to take the consequences. Net homeworkhelper is forbidden both in form and in fact; free speech is granted in form but forbidden in fact. By the common estimate both are crimes, and are held in deep odium by all civilized peoples. Murder is sometimes punished, free speech always. An unpopular opinion concerning politics or religion lies concealed in the breast of every man; in many cases not only one sample, but several. The more intelligent the man, the larger order contents dissertation of freightage of this kind of opinions he carries, and keeps to himself. “[W]e consciously or unconsciously pay more attention to tuning our opinions to our neighbor’s pitch and preserving his approval than we do to examining the opinions searchingly and seeing to it that they are right and sound. He says every man is a moon and has a academy homework which he turns toward nobody: you have to slip around behind if you want to see it.  It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. Ch. 6. It may be called the Master Passion—the hunger for Self-Approval. Ch. 6. The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot. Ch. 6. But the truth is, that when a Library expels a book of mine and leaves an unexpurgated Bible lying around where unprotected youth and age can get hold of it, the deep unconscious irony of it delights me and doesn't anger me. Citizenship? We have none! In place of it we teach patriotism which Samuel Johnson said a hundred and forty or a hundred and fifty years homework sheet daily assignment was the last refuge of the books sunday -- and I believe that he was right. I research papers buy best when I was a boy and I heard repeated time and time again the phrase, 'My country, right or wrong, my country!' How absolutely absurd is such an idea. How absolutely absurd to teach this idea to the youth of the literature what review is last summer, when I was on my way back to Vienna from everyday assignment life in chemistry Appetite-Cure in the mountains, I fell over a cliff in the twilight, and broke some arms and legs and one thing or another, buy college paper by good luck was found by some peasants who had lost an ass, and they carried me to the nearest habitation, which was one of those large, low, thatch-roofed farm-houses, with apartments in the garret for the family, and a cunning little porch under the deep gable decorated with boxes of bright colored flowers and cats; on the ground floor writing good what are services essay large and light sitting-room, separated from the milch-cattle apartment by a partition; and in the front yard rose stately and fine the wealth and pride of the house, the manure-pile. That sentence is Germanic, and shows that I am acquiring that sort of mastery of the art and spirit of the language which enables a summary writing a homework help to travel all day in one sentence without changing cars. Book I, Ch. 1 No one doubts—certainly not I—that the mind exercises a powerful influence over the body. From help with american homework poets modernist beginning of time, the sorcerer, the interpreter of dreams, the fortune-teller, the charlatan, the quack, the wild medicine-man, the educated physician, the mesmerist, and the hypnotist have made use of the client's imagination to help them in their work. They have all recognized the potency and availability of that force. Physicians cure many patients with a bread pill; they know that where the disease is only a fancy, the patient's confidence in the doctor will make the bread pill effective. Book I, Ch. 4 When I was a boy a farmer's wife who lived five miles from our village had great fame as a faith-doctor—that was what she called herself. Sufferers came to her from all around, and she laid her hand upon them and said, "Have faith—it is all that is necessary," and they went away well of their ailments. She was not help chemistry websites homework religious woman, and inc pacific homeworks to no occult powers. She said that the patient's faith in her did the work. Several times I saw her make immediate cures of severe toothaches. My mother was the patient. In Austria there is a peasant who drives a great trade in this sort of industry, and has both the high and the low for patients. He gets into prison every now and then for practising without a diploma, but his business is as brisk as ever when he gets out, for his work is unquestionably successful and keeps his reputation high. In Bavaria there is a man who performed so many great cures that he had to retire from his profession of stage-carpentering in order to meet the demand of his constantly increasing body of customers. He goes on from year to year doing his miracles, and has become very rich. He pretends to no religious helps, no supernatural aids, but reaction write paper to how there is something in his make-up which inspires the confidence of his patients, and that it is this confidence which does the work, and not some mysterious power issuing from himself. Ch. 4 Within the last quarter of a century, in America, several sects of curers have appeared under various names and have done notable things in the way of healing ailments without the use of medicines. There are the Mind Cure, the Faith Cure, the Prayer Cure, the Mental Science Cure, and the Christian-Science Cure; and apparently they all do their miracles with the same old, powerful instrument—the patient's imagination. Differing names, but no difference in the process. But they do not give that instrument the credit; each sect claims that its way differs from the ways of the others. They all achieve some cures, there is no question about it; and the Faith Cure and the Prayer Cure probably do no harm when they do no good, since they do not forbid the patient to help out the cure with medicines if he wants to; but the others bar medicines, and claim ability to help writing opinion essay every conceivable human ailment high health school for assignments the application of their mental forces alone. There would seem to be an element of danger here. It has the look of claiming too much, I think. Public confidence would probably be increased if less were claimed. Book I, Ch. 4 When I, a thoughtful and unblessed Presbyterian, examine the Koran, I know that beyond any question every Mohammedan is insane; not in all things, but in religious matters. When a thoughtful and unblessed Mohammedan examines the Westminster Catechism, he knows that beyond any question I am spiritually insane. I cannot prove to him that he is insane, assignments juliet romeo and you never can prove anything to a lunatic — for that is a part of his insanity and the evidence of it. He cannot prove to me that Homework help vba am insane, for my mind has the same defect that afflicts his. All Democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it; none but the Republicans and Mugwumps know it. All the Republicans are insane, but only the Democrats and Mugwumps can perceive it. The rule is perfect: in all office service uk writing best dissertation of opinion our adversaries are insane. Book I, Ch. 5 The power which a man's imagination has over his body to heal it or make it sick is a force which none of us is born without. The first man had it, the last one will possess it. If left to himself, a man is most likely to use only the mischievous numbering buying a dissertation of the force—the half which invents imaginary ailments for him and cultivates them; and if he is one of these—very wise people, he is quite likely to scoff at the beneficent half of the force and deny its existence. And so, to heal or help that man, two imaginations are required: his own and some outsider's. The outsider, B, must imagine that his incantations are the healing-power that is curing A, and A must imagine that this is so. I think it is not so, at all; but no matter, the cure is effected, and that is the main thing. The outsider's work is unquestionably valuable; so valuable that it may fairly be likened slides presentation new powerpoint the essential work performed by the engineer when he handles the throttle and turns on the steam; the actual power is lodged exclusively in the engine, but if the engine were left alone it would never start of itself. Whether the engineer be named Jim, or Bob, or Tom, it is all one—his services are necessary, and he is entitled to such wage as he can get you to pay. Whether he be named Christian Scientist, or Mental Scientist, or Mind Curist, or King's-Evil Expert, or Hypnotist, it is all one; he is merely the Engineer; he homework homework my my ate turns on the same old steam and the engine does the whole work. Book I, Ch. 8.